Fluid Time: This is my first blog post in months. I did have grand plans to write during the lock down. I thought I will write almost every day now that I have time. But……..Time-seems like the most precious of all things now. When we …
Vegan January –Veganuary! The concept has become very popular among many of my friends specially those who are already vegetarians. I will be honest- I struggle to give up fish. Do I not believe eating or being or becoming vegetarian as good concept? I do …
Since when 5 year old is a teenager? Has it always been like this (basically I am asking you know what right?). My 5 year dotty has the capacity to push that button which freaks me out every time. What is it with children trying to break that boundary? We had a meltdown moment yesterday. Don’t know how it started but it ended with her telling me ‘ I wish you were not my mum’ she doesn’t call me mum but when she is angry she does use that term to increase the impact ( as if her anger towards me was not enough, she had to give a voice to it). Went I told her that I was stepping out of her space so that she gets time to calm down and not shout so that we can talk… rest of her anger came out.
You are always rude to me
You do nothing for me
I am a child and I am 5 year old and you took my TV away
You said you will break my teeth
You never cook for me
I am better with bubu (her father) as he made pan cake for me today in the morning
Even as I write- now- after a day -I feel the pain. Not hers but mine. I know as a mother I am to feel her pain and anger and anguish. But sorry I cannot put her anger over my pain. Not yesterday or now as my type away. I went silent for whole day and her father takes over. I needed time to think. I was overwhelmed by her reaction ( to what I have no idea) and I did not know what to do. But as she slept on my pillow curling up to my body holding my ears I told her
I am not rude but I keep boundary as your mother and as adult. I seldom say no but when I say no I mean it
I live for you. But I do not know how to tell that to you so that you understood
I took your TV away as you were unreasonable with us and you kicked and screamed. You do still watch TV during weekend
I said ‘ tappor diye dant phele debo’ when I was angry and I said sorry as it was wrong of me to say that. I apologised to you
I always cook for you. I am the only one who cooks. I plan the grocery, I plan your whole week’s food, and I plan variety for your meal and I shop. I travel 4 hours in a day to earn money, I work during the weekend to earn money. I just do not always have the time to warm up your food and give them to you.
Yes I did not make those pan cake. I was cooking your lunch before your swimming at 9 and your play date after that and then pujo after that. All I was doing was making sure you had something for lunch while your bubu was warning up the pancake. I did give him hand in that as well. And You are better off with your bubu! That hurts!
We both were ‘not friends any more ‘ in the morning. I missed hugging her and she cried again for her TV. Such as life I say to myself and walk away from kitchen. I just compared my love with TV.
In my lunch time I am planning her birthday.
But Friday night was different. Most nights and days are like this. We were in love . I am as she thinks her twin sister and married to her. We baked banana bread together from the leftover over ripped bananas. It came out amazing. I usually follow a BBC recipe, here is the link but I changed a bit to suit my measuring skills. This one is amazing with tea. You can add some pecan or walnuts to it too. you can eat in topped with more banana and homemade nutella
Peace and happiness. These two words! They seem like my lifelong pursuit! No, they have not eluded me. I have just never learnt their meaning the way I do now. I guess age is not just a chronology after all. Age is the experience, the …
Durga Puja has already started in various places in UK. Last Sunday I had a food stall in one of the pujas in Basingstoke. This was my fifth year with them. Somehow over the years I have formed a bond with them which comes alive …