March 29, 2017
Chettinad Chicken Burger
I am having bit of a strange day today. Emotionally stressed to the core. Do you ever get the feeling that you have become silent? You cannot even hear your own mind and heart.
I sometime feel that way. This morning when I got down at Euston station, I wanted to howl my heart out. It is so hard to be a parent especially when you are alone. I wanted my mother to be here and take over. I call my mother and ask her how she was, listen to all her stories. And then she asks me how I was. I hear eagerness in her voice to go back to her problems: heat, expense, arthritis and loneliness. I become silent. All I wanted was her to ask me ‘how are you’? Really ask me! But I have been silent with her for years.
Every day I go back home, R ask me how was your day? I ask him how was your day. And we say something to each other. Talk about office and the work and the child and what to cook at night. But I am actually silent! It seems easier than talking. Talking has become taxing now.
My friends- I have very few in London actually! Well the truth is I have very few in general. I talk with everyone all most, friends with very few. I am not a very easy person to be with I guess. With age I have realised that I find it hard to make an effort to be likable. It is liberating at the same time. But the friends I have- I have become silent with them. I have hurt them with my silence. I have hurt myself too. But silence is all I have. It seems too much to talk. And what to talk about really?
It is so much easier to just look at the TV when I get time-if at all. I do not have to think, say and understand. I do not have to show my vulnerability and insecurities. I do not have to expect something in return. Do you ever get that feeling?
Here I go. Now that I have said it- I see the need to change and reach out! Without fear. At least to the people who are worth the risk!
With that thought let me share a quick recipe for a burger that I made last evening for my snack. It is easy and preparing takes about 10 mins and another 20 mins to cook. Totally healthy for kids too.